Yes, · I'm · obsessed · with · Sondheim.

There are no words.

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.

So, after a year and a half of being show-less due to my utter fear of people, I am finally in a show...Candide. It's only a local show and someone I nabbed a supporting role, but it's a show. A good-launch point, though I'm still having the same issues. I still think I don't deserve to be there. And in my heart I know I do...but I can't stop feeling like I'm not good enough. Stupid social anxiety disorder (which I've actually been officially diagnosed with by the way, yay!) Yay, not so much because it's a great thing to have, but I'm so glad what I feel has a name. So I had a job I HATED (long story) from March- the very end of September. Now I only have a part timer at Lane Bryant due to my quitting (but I really couldn't stay any longer). Now I just have to make sure I don't become agoraphobic again. I think it'll be ok this time. As long as I keep myself busy. Hmmm. And Ooo, I'm gonna apply to grad school for theater education. I'm thinkin' Emerson or Boston U...why do I always end up in MA? I looked at NYU's (The rest are in the south or west coast) but I don't know if I want to school it in NYC. Hmmm.

C'est tout pour (now). Yes...since high school that's about all the bad french I have.

-Alex

I think this is a parody...at least I hope it is.

I think I'm the only one who thinks Children of Men was merely an intelligent action film rather than this amazing movie.

I was bored to tears. I like dark. I like dreary. I love future Clockwork Orange-1984-Brave New World type of films. This did nothing for me.

...nothing happened. It was mostly running away from people and a wonderful performance by Michael Caine.

Dreamgirls was dissapointing as well. It was "eh". A biopic like Walk the Line and Ray, both of which I thought were "eh" as well. Jennifer Hudson was only really good during AIATY and the rest she was fine...not great. Eddie Murphy was also good...but I don't really see how he was much different than many of his other films.

If any performance should be awarded it should really go to Anika Noni Rose.

Pan's Labrinth was really quite wonderful. Probably wouldn't make my top 10 list of all time, but really quite lovely, imaginative and beautiful, even if violent. I haven't seen Little Miss Sunshine, The Departed and Iwo Jima yet, but I think if they had filmed this puppy in English it could have had a good shot at best picture. I think it will win best foreign film.

How could ANYONE say that the Scrubs musical was better than Once More With Feeling??!

I don't watch Scrubs. I only watched tonight because, well, I like musicals.

It was good as far as most tv show musicals go. Nicely shot, decent singing, songs were nice and all but it wasn't amazing.

Geeze, Once More With Feeling wasn't perfect but it had a lot more reason and heart than Scrubs one.

I was offended the other day when someone said that Once More With Feeling was the worst episode of Buffy ever.

I wonder what brings people to say that? Fans? Is it that they're anti-musical, or just think of musicals as some cheesy smiley stuff like Scrubs?

I know opinions aren't "right" and "wrong" but I wish I could understand them a little more.

Write a journal entry for this meme with six random facts about yourself. Then pick six off your friends list and tag them - no tag backs.
These rules should be included in your entry.

1. When I was 9 I stole a candy bar from a store. To this day I am paranoid that people think I'm a thief when I enter a store.
2. I saw my first porn when I was 8-- it belonged to my stepfather and I popped it in and watched it with a friend.
3. I went through a phase around 13-14 where I would systematically pull out the hair on my head...for no real reason other than I was compelled to. I stopped when I started getting a bald spot.
5. When I was 8 or 9 I would take my hampster out of it's cage, throw it in the air and let it land on my bed. Yes, I know better now.
6. I don't like Star Wars. (I know, I know. I like Star Trek but can't get into the Wars)

I tag everyone too.

Audition for Broadway Idol
Well, kiddies, I kinda bombed the audition, but found the experience oddly fun.

I unintentionally broke every audition rule. I appologized, asked to start over, asked to start a bit earlier..Boy. I was naughty. Plus I was so unfocused acting wise and my voice was strangled Edith Piafy. Plus I had to audition in front of Marty Thomas, Manuel Felciano, and some other people whose name I don't know. Oy, I spent the whole train ride home banging my hand against my forehead "doh". They were all terribly kind but I was quite embarassed.

Vinny felt he did well, which I'm sure he did, so we'll see. Somehow even though my audition went terribly, I kinda wanna audition more.

Tomorrow I'm auditioning for NYMF Broadway Idol with Vinny (yay Vinny!) and with some encouragement (thanks Jen!) I'm not actually wimping out like I normally do (though once I get there who's to say). I don't really care too much if I don't get called back, but if I am able to perform well without sounding like Edith Piaf being choked (fast, throaty vibrato and in a bad way) then I'll be happy with myself. It will be my first time walking in New York alone and my first New York (city) audition.

I during my walk today I was listening to my 5000 some odd collection on shuffle and at the height of my anxiety what came on but "I Have Confidence". I started crying. I know corny, but right then I so identified with Maria. Now if only I can believe those words.

I started taking gaba and kava kava but it hasn't seemed to have helped much (though suprisingly the gabba works a bit). Anything because I can't afford stronger drugs right now.

I have to go on this audition. My mom said if I can't do something like this I can't be an actor. Oy.

I haven't decided what to sing, but I'm thinking the overdone but lovely Vanilla Ice Cream. I have a feeling that someone of my type doing a ballad might be a naughty. I don't know though. Well we shall see!